Throughout my life, people have often described me as a very understanding and accommodating person. However, initially I loved being called easygoing and grounded.I've now understood that by consistently being perceived as grounded and understanding, I've closed off any opportunities for myself to behave like a typical human being. I feel compelled to meet the expectations others have of me in every situation, expectations that I've unknowingly created in their minds over time. I love how you described it very precisely. You amaze me every single time.
This is a very complicated issue, but you make valid points. I don’t think “high” or “low” functioning labels are meaningless, but they can be oversimplistic and not tell the entire story.
I agree!!! they definitely serve a purpose, they acknowledge that there are different experiences of neurodivergence, but I think we need to look at what the person is doing in order to appear high functioning (because it will most likely be something destructive or harmful!) <3
I think it can also be useful for describing their understanding of the world around them. But of course if you’re high functioning that way while still being neurodivergent, it can be very stressful. You know you’re different and how others perceive you, so you may become hypervigilant .
Funny enough I had the same conversation with my friend yesterday! Since I’m a teacher, I honestly approach this from a bit of a devil’s advocate perspective. Because I completely agree with you that having these labels can create some sort of false idea or identity for a student and their level of performance. However, from a legal perspective, it can take over a year, sometimes two years of collecting data every day about a student struggles in order to get any sort of accommodation or support for them from a district (at least in the US) and unfortunately, without some sort of label or way to identify certain students, the state does not see it as someone that needs support. The system it’s brutal and it drives me crazy, but unfortunately to give students any level of support we need some sort of data identifier to use. I mean, I have kids that in my professional opinion have been needing social work services for the past year and yet I’ve been unable to get them because they technically do not qualify. Maddening!
I’m so glad you could offer your experience and know that you can have your say!!!! it’s so hard isn’t it because we NEED that language, especially clinically. we need to be able to differentiate so we can provide the correct help. and in many senses, the term high functioning helps explain so many experiences. however i also think it’s the stigma that comes along with that, and how people are more likely to overlook the behaviours we are using in order to look high functioning! it’s so frustrating and i don’t even know what the answer to it is! <33
What an incredibly insightful, resonant reflection. Its calling me to consider how these labels and giving name to our experiences is often less about making space for understanding their complexities and more often a tool for disenfranchisement. Yet, it’s because of these adopted identities that we can begin to self accommodate and create the communities and spaces that allow us to flourish 🌺 Thank you for being such a portal ✨🫶🏽
this has made me so happy!!! there is definitely a place for them, and having language for our experiences is so important, but it needs to be language that doesn’t harm others unintentionally!!! <3
Yes! I'm so grateful that the psychology world is moving away from terms like "high functioning". How we describe things matters; word choice matter. We need to be more discerning about them. Some labels can be really helpful to hold briefly, but most of the time they just put us in a box.
yes!!! like it’s so important to have the language, especially clinically so people can get the correct help, but we need to do so without causing harm to others!!! <3
what does masking ever even do for our mental health, right? we all just decided hidden dysfunction is better than messy and honest healing - society can be so frustrating
“Tired of wearing heavy armour when the world gets too loud, being yourself feels heavier than the armour, but still you suit up and keep walking”
It explained well the feeling we get from being ‘High Functioning’. We are constantly told how we function so well to survive. How we functioned to create a system of over 1700 alters to survive being trafficked as a child into organised extreme abuse. But yeah….we’re great aren’t we? We hide it so well that everyone else around us can be comfortable with the words and the social norms that we present them with. So much so that they put warnings on shows for us, not to warn people of the perpetrators but to warn victims to hide, to switch over.
Yeah we’re great. We’re always great. Because that’s the only way the world around us can survive. They are the survivors of ‘our’ trauma.
thank you so much for sharing this! i feel so seen. i once brought five pages of notes on why i think i might be autistic to a therapy appointment only for her to say i don't fit the criteria for autism because my symptoms don't affect my daily life and wellbeing enough. i told her that the diagnostic criteria is bullshit and she said, "well yes, but they are what they are and you don't fit them, so there's nothing i can do." a couple of months later i realized that i had been masking during that entire appointment and had severely downplayed how much my symptoms affect me. i've been too scared to bring it up again. needless to say, i've thought about "functioning" labels a lot over the past couple of years since that therapy appointment and you articulated my thoughts and feelings so well in this article. i'm so sorry that the world has beat you down just because you appear to be doing fine on the outside. i'm right there with you. <3
girl the fact you brought pages of notes with you would ring alarm bells for me as an autistic person. we LOVE a list. i’m so annoyed on your behalf, especially as women mask so much more than men and the diagnostic criteria is built for men more. i hope you get the support you deserve :( <3
I get the same amounth of anger when i hear "neurodivergent". Divergent from who? from what?? From the other hairless monkeys who doesn't struggle with social rules and you labeled as the norm? Well thanks but no thanks.
I Loved This 💛💯
thank you so much marty!!!
Wow, this really spoke to me. Thank you for writing this!
thank YOU for being here <3
Throughout my life, people have often described me as a very understanding and accommodating person. However, initially I loved being called easygoing and grounded.I've now understood that by consistently being perceived as grounded and understanding, I've closed off any opportunities for myself to behave like a typical human being. I feel compelled to meet the expectations others have of me in every situation, expectations that I've unknowingly created in their minds over time. I love how you described it very precisely. You amaze me every single time.
i too have been called very easy going etc and i’ve realised now that i was people pleasing. i’m glad we’re going on this journey <3
Just wrote in my journal yesterday about how I’m done censoring myself so that I’m more digestible. They can choke.
and i’m backing this decision all the way!!!
🤣🤣🤣
This is a very complicated issue, but you make valid points. I don’t think “high” or “low” functioning labels are meaningless, but they can be oversimplistic and not tell the entire story.
I agree!!! they definitely serve a purpose, they acknowledge that there are different experiences of neurodivergence, but I think we need to look at what the person is doing in order to appear high functioning (because it will most likely be something destructive or harmful!) <3
I think it can also be useful for describing their understanding of the world around them. But of course if you’re high functioning that way while still being neurodivergent, it can be very stressful. You know you’re different and how others perceive you, so you may become hypervigilant .
This is hugely insightful so therefore empowering! Very true of me and similar to some of my articles x
I love that so much, thank you!!! I’ll definitely check out your stuff <3
Thank you Ella x
👍🏼👍🏼
Funny enough I had the same conversation with my friend yesterday! Since I’m a teacher, I honestly approach this from a bit of a devil’s advocate perspective. Because I completely agree with you that having these labels can create some sort of false idea or identity for a student and their level of performance. However, from a legal perspective, it can take over a year, sometimes two years of collecting data every day about a student struggles in order to get any sort of accommodation or support for them from a district (at least in the US) and unfortunately, without some sort of label or way to identify certain students, the state does not see it as someone that needs support. The system it’s brutal and it drives me crazy, but unfortunately to give students any level of support we need some sort of data identifier to use. I mean, I have kids that in my professional opinion have been needing social work services for the past year and yet I’ve been unable to get them because they technically do not qualify. Maddening!
I’m so glad you could offer your experience and know that you can have your say!!!! it’s so hard isn’t it because we NEED that language, especially clinically. we need to be able to differentiate so we can provide the correct help. and in many senses, the term high functioning helps explain so many experiences. however i also think it’s the stigma that comes along with that, and how people are more likely to overlook the behaviours we are using in order to look high functioning! it’s so frustrating and i don’t even know what the answer to it is! <33
Completely resonates with me. It sucks that I often do this label to myself because I’m afraid of stigma. Loved reading this.
I too gave myself that title before my breakdown and honestly I think it was doing more harm than good when I look back!!! <3
What an incredibly insightful, resonant reflection. Its calling me to consider how these labels and giving name to our experiences is often less about making space for understanding their complexities and more often a tool for disenfranchisement. Yet, it’s because of these adopted identities that we can begin to self accommodate and create the communities and spaces that allow us to flourish 🌺 Thank you for being such a portal ✨🫶🏽
this has made me so happy!!! there is definitely a place for them, and having language for our experiences is so important, but it needs to be language that doesn’t harm others unintentionally!!! <3
Absolutely! And it all starts with the call-in. We get to see from there who’s actually receptive.
Yes! I'm so grateful that the psychology world is moving away from terms like "high functioning". How we describe things matters; word choice matter. We need to be more discerning about them. Some labels can be really helpful to hold briefly, but most of the time they just put us in a box.
yes!!! like it’s so important to have the language, especially clinically so people can get the correct help, but we need to do so without causing harm to others!!! <3
what does masking ever even do for our mental health, right? we all just decided hidden dysfunction is better than messy and honest healing - society can be so frustrating
honestly we’re taught to mask especially as women! it’s so hard to unlearn but we’ll get there! <3
I loved this! It’s so thoughtful and amazing like always Ella 🫶🏼🫶🏼
thank you so much my love <333
love youuu🥹🫶🏼
We read a post a while back and it said this;
“Tired of wearing heavy armour when the world gets too loud, being yourself feels heavier than the armour, but still you suit up and keep walking”
It explained well the feeling we get from being ‘High Functioning’. We are constantly told how we function so well to survive. How we functioned to create a system of over 1700 alters to survive being trafficked as a child into organised extreme abuse. But yeah….we’re great aren’t we? We hide it so well that everyone else around us can be comfortable with the words and the social norms that we present them with. So much so that they put warnings on shows for us, not to warn people of the perpetrators but to warn victims to hide, to switch over.
Yeah we’re great. We’re always great. Because that’s the only way the world around us can survive. They are the survivors of ‘our’ trauma.
exactly this. yes i seem functional because of all the things ive had to do. all of my coping mechanisms
thank you so much for sharing this! i feel so seen. i once brought five pages of notes on why i think i might be autistic to a therapy appointment only for her to say i don't fit the criteria for autism because my symptoms don't affect my daily life and wellbeing enough. i told her that the diagnostic criteria is bullshit and she said, "well yes, but they are what they are and you don't fit them, so there's nothing i can do." a couple of months later i realized that i had been masking during that entire appointment and had severely downplayed how much my symptoms affect me. i've been too scared to bring it up again. needless to say, i've thought about "functioning" labels a lot over the past couple of years since that therapy appointment and you articulated my thoughts and feelings so well in this article. i'm so sorry that the world has beat you down just because you appear to be doing fine on the outside. i'm right there with you. <3
girl the fact you brought pages of notes with you would ring alarm bells for me as an autistic person. we LOVE a list. i’m so annoyed on your behalf, especially as women mask so much more than men and the diagnostic criteria is built for men more. i hope you get the support you deserve :( <3
no literally as i was making the list i was like this is so typical😭 but thank you❤️❤️❤️
The rage is palpable.
And I agree.
I get the same amounth of anger when i hear "neurodivergent". Divergent from who? from what?? From the other hairless monkeys who doesn't struggle with social rules and you labeled as the norm? Well thanks but no thanks.
oh interesting i’ve never thought about the impact of neurodivergence. now I think of it, it does make us sound like some robot with powers hahah